Chapter 9: How To Successfully Approach Women
Approaching women doesn't have to be difficult. You might think that there are a
million different things to know about your approach, but that isn't the case. It is true that there are many different situations where you could approach a woman but
these situations share a number of factors. It is possible
to break down all the
possible ways to approach women into a few basic techniques. This chapter
describes these approach techniques, as well as other considerations to keep in
mind when trying to pick up a woman.
Recognize the Opportunity
It's been said before – anytime and anywhere is the right time and the right place to
meet a woman. You are surrounded by endless opportunities to approach women;
you just need to see them all! Each time you notice an attractive woman crossing
your path, be aware that this may be the only time you'll ever see her.
You must initiate a conversation, build a trustful connection, and get her
If you want to see a woman again, you have to act quickly on the situation. Learn to
recognize all the opportunities how to take advantage of them. You will learn how
easy it is to turn a brief encounter into a telephone number and a date.
Icebreakers and Success Makers
The best icebreaker is saying "Hi" with a smile. Simple, yet true. Once you start a
conversation, you should say something that will encourage further response from
her. The next line should be a statement or a question that shows interest in her.
You could compliment her, or comment on something she is wearing or carrying.
Whatever your approach, it will likely fall into one of four basic approach techniques. These techniques are defined below for you to learn and practice. Adapt these suggestions to your personal style, and do what you feel comfortable with. Use these techniques together or separately to get the success you want.
1. Use a Compliment
Every woman needs to feel appreciated. An honest compliment is an easy way to
show your appreciation for her and the care she takes to look good. Compliment her outfit, her hair, her eyes, or her manicured fingernails – something specific about her that you are attracted to. A compliment can work great for opening conversation with a woman as long as you put some thought into it. You do not want to sound cheesy or pre-rehearsed. You also don't want to give her a compliment that she may have already heard. Get creative and personal with your compliments.
Use something that she is doing or wearing
to personalize the compliment.
When you see a woman you want to talk to, look at her carefully. Notice something
about her that you like, and tell her what you like about it. Be truthful when you
compliment her – women can sense sincerity.
When you are figuring out what to say as a compliment you should think of these
three structures: use an analogy, follow a compliment with a question, or ask her
about what she does. When making an analogy try to compare her to another
object. Tell her that her lips or her eyes remind you of something. Or, tell her that the blue in her shirt brings out her eyes. If you are going to follow a compliment with a question notice something about her and figure out if there is anything that you
might like to know. For example, if she is wearing a St. Christopher is she religious?
If she is wearing a unique ring ask her if she picked it out, or if it is an heirloom.
The third structure is to compliment what she does. If you meet her in her
workplace, and she is doing a phenomenal job, then tell her you are impressed. If
she works with children or she volunteers somewhere tell her that you admire the
time she spends helping others.
It is important to notice something about her, and
not to use a general come-on line.
No matter what type of compliment you decide to give her, be sure to personalize it.It helps to memorize a few generic lines and tailor them to the woman you are talking to at the time.
2. Use a Conversation Piece
This type of comment or question involves observing her, and her possessions and
drawing a conclusion – correct or incorrect, it doesn't matter – and using it to start a conversation with a woman. Always look at the woman you are interested in to see if she is wearing or carrying anything you could comment on. This could be a book, a briefcase, a gym bag, a shopping bag, or anything! Use this object to strike up a conversation. Ask which gym she works out at, or if she would
recommend the book she is reading. If she is sporting a company logo ask how she
is affiliated with that company. If she is wearing a unique piece of jewelry ask her
about it. Is it an heirloom? What stone is it? If you meet a woman in your office
building and she is carrying a briefcase, or papers, then ask her if she works in the
Using a conversation piece as an icebreaker can be very effective and can be used
anywhere. It is especially good if you briefly meet a woman, as you can adapt it to
any location. If you keep probing her for information, and time runs out, then you
have the opportunity to ask her to lunch. Ask for her number, or give her your card.
3. Discuss the Situation
Another aspect to consider is where you are, or the event you are both attending.
Using location to open a conversation is already personalized because you
are both in the same place. If it is a party, you can always talk about someone
else – maybe there is one very drunk guy who is making a fool of himself. Laughing
at other people seems to be a great way to bond.
Use a comment about the current situation to call attention to the fact that you are
both "here now!" If you refer back to the list of places and activities given in Chapter 5 Where Women Can Be Found , you will notice that the middle column is a list of places that would indicate a common interest. If you are both at a sports event, comment on the game. If you are at an Art Gallery, point out that you both like the same painting. Meeting a woman at a place such as those listed is a suitable
situation to point out that you share an interest.
If you are in a situation where you don't know anyone, and you see a woman you'd
really like to meet then walk over to her. Be honest about your attraction. Tell her
that you want to meet her, but you don't know anyone to introduce you. Then
introduce yourself and start a conversation. You have nothing to lose by introducing
yourself to a woman. Once you start the conversation keep in mind your objective to get her vitals and then ask questions to get the information you need.
4. Ask Her a General Question
Tried, tested, and trued. This technique is a simple, effective way to engage in
conversation with an attractive woman. Look at the woman you want to talk to and
ask her any question – from "Do you have the time?" to "How do you like the snow?" (Weather permitting, of course!) It is better to ask a good question to which you might actually need the answer. You could ask her where a certain restaurant is, or how to find the nearest bank. Any kind of question could be used to approach a
woman, but the more you can relate it to the situation, the better off you'll be. You
can combine this technique with any other and it will be even more effective.
You can use questions as general or as specific as you like.
You don't have to be a smooth talker to get a woman to respond with this approach. Even if you don't actually need the information, asking a question will open the door to further communication.
Summarizing Your Approach
Whichever approach you use, remember to personalize your approach. Women want to feel appreciated, so pay attention. When you personalize a comment or a
question, she'll take note of your attentiveness and she will hopefully accept your
invitation to chat. Once you break the ice with a woman, you need to get her phone
number to ensure future communication. Chapter 10 How to Get and Execute a Date will explore in depth the next steps of dating.
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